I still have a week and half left. With four exams in between. And graduation.
And leaving lots of people I love.
I have reached that point of enough. I've had enough of Wingate for now. I love this place but I am ready to move on to summer. To something new. To something unfamiliar. Something far away. Something that is so intimidating and scary but I long just to be there. Barefoot.
My mind is racing a thousand miles per minute.
My heart is beating out of my chest.
I don't remember how to pray right now because I don't know how to make the sentences I want to say to God. I don't know what I need to be praying for. I don't know how to remind myself that earthly things are temporary and that Godly things are eternal. My body longs for things and my heart yearns for others and still my mind tells me what it thinks is best. I don't know what my spirit is telling me.
I don't want anyone to talk.
I just need peace of mind, body, soul, and heart.
I need quiet.
I know that God is big and that God is wonderful and good and Love.
I know that I know that I know that.
But I'm not seeing or feeling it.
Should there be such a huge difference between knowing it and feeling it?
I'm not meaning to be moody and mean. It's just how I'm gonna be probably until something happens. Or until I leave here.
I need to listen like David listened.
Beside still waters, down paths of righteousness.
Leading to green pastures.
"My heart is not proud, O Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O
both now and forevermore."
Psalm 131.
