Sleepwalking.

It's strange being able to go back four years and read thoughts that I once had.

I found my notebooks from high school when I knew everything about anything and when the things that mattered most to be me were far different from whats important now.

It makes me sick to my stomach to read and yet I do and can recall every emotion/feeling/thought to go with each date on the pages. Each date in a breakroom.

Also, a ticket stub. From a night of pure freedom.


I'm grateful for my past and what I have experienced but I'm more grateful for my future and for grace.

If People Read My Blog They Would Receive Insightful Information and Good Music Advice.

Sometimes, good things DO come out of the Raleigh area.

January 12th, anyone? Yes? Good. Grey Eagle. Cool.

All Life Is Being Lived.

"You live in a world of theophanies*. "

'How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting it is to praise him!'

"Holiness comes wrapped in the ordinary"

'He determines the number of the stars, and calls them each by name.'

(He calls us by name too.)

"There are burning bushes all around you. Every tree is full of angels. Hidden beauty is waiting in every crumb. "

'He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills.'

(He covers us with his grace. He cleanses us with his salvation. He heals. He gives. He loves. We grow in him.)

"Life wants to lead you from crumbs to angels, but this can happen only if you are willing to unwrap the ordinary by staying with it long enough to harvest its treasure."

'His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.'

(How can I doubt anything when his love is so great? How do I miss his love letters to me through out my daily life? His love is present in mending friendships with people you've known since preschool. His love is present in a church bus full of screaming Hispanic children. His love warms people who live in trailer parks without heat and health. His love is present in laughter shared among high school girls. His love is present in uncomfortable silences and learning. His love is present in freedom from school and stress and worries. His love is even present in a cup of coffee and a snuggie. His love is a present. It's the greatest gift we as a broken humanity could ever hope for.)

'Great is our Lord and mighty in power. Extol the Lord. Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving.'



Hearts bend
cause they can't break
when they can't take
all that is given to them.


(He gives us so, so much. I know it. I think it. I see it. I need to live it. Everyday. My heart is bending and exploding with his love. It is a literal, physical feeling. I can't wrap my head around it sometimes.)





---
*Theophany definition. (click)
*Regular font taken from A Tree Full of Angels by Macrina Wiederkehr.
*Italicized font taken from Psalm 147.
*Bolded font taken from my own brain.
*Bolded and italicized text taken from "shovel" written by Katie Herzig.

Breaking Fast.

(Most of this will be written in sentence fragments)

This morning my experience with breakfast was a disaster.

I slept in. Woke up hungry. And meandered into the kitchen to find some grub.


Open the cabinet. See some Trix. They look yummy. Pour some in bowl. Open fridge. No milk. "Crap I should have bought milk last night when mom asked me to." Pour bowl of dry Trix back into cereal box. Put on coffee. New coffee pot. Difficult to operate. Coffee and grounds get all over counter and in pot. Still hungry. See cream cheese in fridge. See bagels in cabinet. Put bagel in toaster. Bagel gets really burnt. Cover the burn up with cream cheese. Eat it anyway. Clean up coffee mess. Try again. It messes up again. Crap need caffeine. Shower. Put on face. Put on hair. Put on sweats. Drive to drive-thru Starbucks that is fifteen minutes away instead of going to walk-in one five minutes away so I don't have to get out of the car. Go to Chick-Fil-A. Come home. Eat and watch Wife Swap.

The moral of this story is they don't serve breakfast in hell.

Fact.

There is nothing better than human touch.

29.

Sometimes...

...I...

...miss...

...things....

....that I shouldn't...

...miss.

December Baby.

The only disheartening thing about going to Cambodia (other than the forever long plane ride and culture shock) is the depressing realization I will not be in Asheville on New Years Eve to sing "Auld Lang Syne" with these boys.