Open your eyes, boy, I think we are saved.

i can use the temporary to cover myself.
but i know they are just that.
temporary. fleeting.
vices to avoid the inevitable that will come,
surely as the sun, they will come.

i know so much.
knowledge that kills my head.
i feel so much.
emotions that weigh so heavy.

everything is one huge paradox sitting within myself.
i love, but i detest all the same.
i am happy, but am saddened still.
i aim for the truth, but hate to hear it actually revealed.
is this what life is? one huge cycle of being content and disappointed constantly?
simultaneously confused and spiraling onward and downward and beyond?
whole, yet always longing for more?

and i know. i know i go on and on and on about this and about how i hate everything but love all at the same time, and i know you're sick of it all. this isn't why i chose or what you chose. it's just the constant, never-ending revolution of everything swimming around inside of my being. i am conflicted and well. you have made me dead and alive. everything is together and apart. i know none of this makes sense. but i get it, and i'm allowed to write things that i get and you don't because it's my blog. but i can let the words flow from my head to the keyboard to the screen in front of me.

i'm not happy i have to write them, but i enjoy seeing them be created all the same.