i & love & you.

Leaving Wingate this year is bittersweet.

At the end of each school year, I have just felt this immense sense of relief. Like a billion pounds of stress have been lifted off my back and replaced with the warmth of summer sun. I feel that this year too. Everything has built and built and I don't know how to put everything I am thinking right now it a creative, metaphoric manner that will not disappoint or hurt anyone's feelings who might happen to read this. So I'm going to do my best.



The bitter:
*I have friends graduating. That will be real adults. Living a real life that isn't kept safe by brick academic buildings or an intensely intimidating campus safety team. I feel for them. I am going to be in their shoes in a year. Hopefully. If I pass Spanish this go around.
*I am going away all summer. I will be with no one familiar. No one who knows me, my situations. or my life.
*I'm not going to see my best friends everyday.



The sweet:
*I am going to groowwww this summer.
*I am going away all summer. I will be with no one familiar. No one who knows me, my situations of life.
*This year has gone completely opposite of what I thought it was going to be. It needs to be over for the sake of my entire being.
*Going to be in a 2 person apt next year. That. Is. Sweet.

I feel like everything that could have gone wrong this year did go wrong. Murphy's Law. I mean, nothing terrible happened, really. Just things didn't go as I thought they were going to. The end of sophomore year was so straining that I thought for sure the beginning of Junior year would begin without a hitch.. The strain just ended up spreading itself out and wore me thin from the get-go. I tried to persevere. And I have mostly been successful in doing so up until the past few months.

I have the tendency of distancing myself from people I love when I know a "goodbye" is near. It has always happened. This is no different. I feel my heart pulling away from people already because I'm being cautious of my emotions. I'm sorry for those of you receiving the brunt of this distancing, but its my normal thing. It's weird. I know. Deal with it.

Packing up this room is a relief. I keep finding memories that have been hidden away in bookshelves, closets, letters, notes, and books. This year ending is a relief. Don't get me wrong, I am sad about it. But so, so so relieved.

I am praying with every ounce of my being that next year is completely different.

Normally Spring is associated with renewal and rebirth, but I am thinking that for 2010, those changes will come in the summer.

This song is about leaving, and thats what I intend to do.